Looking back....

So I say goodbye to ’06 in a state of confusion. This has by far been the rollercoaster year for me. I have experienced just about every emotion there is to experience in my search for…. Whatever it is I’m chasing. It has also been a year of introspection and reflection. A closer look to the controlled chaos I call a life. I’m still trying to fit the pieces but I no longer try to fit a triangle into a whole. I also met so many wonderful, and some not so wonderful people, this year and while I appreciate the friends I have greatly, I have the need to expand my horizons. I also came to terms with some of the most turbulent things in my life; a task that I thought impossible. Some of the prophecies made by the oracle have not materialized yet, probably because I don’t believe in the oracle to begin with.

Although it may seem this way, I did pay attention to the external world this year too. Here’s a list of the most memorable moments of 2006:

• Pluto is not a planet
• Democrats win control of Congress
• Borat
• Pelosi is the first woman to be Speaker
• Steve Erwin dies
• PS3
• American Death Toll in Iraq Hits 3,000
• 40 sq mile ice shelf collapses in the Canadian Artic due to global warming.

I’m sure there’s a lot more stuff but I can’t think of anymore right now.

Here’s a small list of things I still don’t care about :

• Britney
• Miss USA
• Katie and tom
• Politician scandals
• Celebrity break-ups
• Sports

goals

I was inspired by a fellow blogger/myspacer to put into words my resolutions/goals for the new year. I'm usually too unconventional to do this on new year's, but I'll try this as a guideline and not an assignment, so I don't set myself up for failure. So here they are:

1. To keep in touch with friends : if you have known me for at least a couple of years, you know that I am not very good at returning phone calls, emails and myspace comments, remembering birthdays, and keeping in touch in general. I am already making a conscious effort to get better at this.

2. Finish Grad-School : this will happen in May, but I writing this one because of my tendency to self-sabotage when I'm close to completing something.

3. Expand my social circle: I love the friends I have but there's nothing wrong with making new ones.

4. Make more healthy choices: I losing weight will be a plus, but my real goal is to live longer.

5. Take more pictures: I have been neglecting my Rebel lately but I haven't given up on photography yet.

6. Learn more and teach Duke about our culture: I am not hung up on pride and heritage but I think it's important to understand where you come from in order to understand yourself better.

7. Travel: although I only anticipate traveling to the DR this summer, I would like to make more trips if possible this year.

8. Closure: I will stop procrastinating and resolve all the lose ends I've left lingering in the past (such as my divorce).

9. Learn to drive and obtain my liscence: yes just like my dear friend that inspired this entry, I've had no need to drive. However, like SpongeBob, I feel like this will be a milestone in my life.

10. Stop biting off more than I can chew : saying NO can be a good thing, and I have to practice this more.

Well I didn't plan to end at such a predictable number, but I can't think of any other things at this moment. By posting this I hope to motivate myself to follow these guidelines.

Happy New Year to all!!!!!!!

party, shopping and street meat

This was an interesting weekend. I started it doing things I shouldn’t be doing, I went to the Non-Denominational Holiday Extravaganza/Jenn-Francis Engagement Extravaganza. It was fun, however I have a feeling that the Heggs was probably mad at me for knocking down the table and getting punch all over the floor, I didn’t mean to but I’m little clumsy. I also went shopping, YES SHOPPING, I don’t know how Nao got me to agree to do that. I went primarily to get Duke’s present and came back with everything but the present. Nao also treated me to a full meal of street meat, rice , salad with hot & white sauces. We were gonna take it go, ‘cause we had no idea that the street vendor had a seating area right next to the cart. So we sat next to old navy, in the cold, eating a street meat meal. Things you only do in New York. Anyway, we then headed home and I had to get ready for a baby shower in my building. I eneded up drinking more than I should’ve but it was ok ‘cause I was in my building. Sunday I did nothing and by that I mean absolutely nothing. It was a fun weekend, but I’m glad it’s over. I am now trying to catch up with school work and other things that I’ve been neglecting.

......

I had some unexpected alone-time today and I really had no clue what to do. After running a couple of errands I wandered for a while. Decided to go to a couple stores in search for a new coat. That didn’t work out, just ended up feeling frustrated. I wandered some more until I realized it was too cold for that and searched for a place to be indoors. Ended up at Starbucks drinking a gingerbread mocha. Yes go ahead re-read the last sentence, I went to starbucks, stop judging me… lol…. I still detest coffee, but the mocha wasn’t half bad. Anyway, after I finished my drink I went to pick up duke and went home. I felt like I wasted so much time for no reason when I should’ve been doing homework. But time on helped clear my head and be able to look at the chaos from the outside. And just as I suspected, it’s still contained.

MDL

update

So it's cold. What did you expect? it is December..... anyway, It turns out there was an emergency study session on Friday and it was pretty cool....not as intense as the one I missed, but pretty laid back. I then washed away this awful week away in a bubble bath. Well it wasn’t all awful but I sure washed away the awful parts.

On a brighter note I got some recognition at work, which feels good but it also means I have to live up to it.

My moms’ group has hit the ground running. Yes I know what you’re thinking…..a bunch of women bitching about parenting. Well, no this is a group for young (and not so young) moms to share their experiences in the unpredictable world of parenting. Anyway, I’m excited about it.

mdl

pipe dreams

It just dawned on me that life really sucks and there's nothing I can do about it.

I’m also convinced that I should give up all my pipe dreams and be conventional, more of a conformist, predictable, unadventurous….and maybe then, and only then I will be happy.

I should abandon my abstract art fantasies and concentrate on my thesis and live up to my potential for once.

Once again, I decided to look for what wasnt really there. I crossed the line and broke golden rules and of course , once again fell hard from the cloud right on my ass. I did this one to myself though, so I'm more upset at "me" than anyone/thing else. At the same time, I'm really glad I didn’t finish seeing that fucking movie, because at least wasn’t on a higher cloud. (Although I am upset I bought the perfume)… well anyway, my week has sucked all around. After the self-esteem blow in Ms. C’s classroom, I had to know that it was all down hill from there.

Just to throw me off, and think that things might be looking up, I did well in both my linguistics and thesis my presentations. I was content enough to believe that maybe this week was gonna end up ok. But, NO….. I have to be slapped in the face with a cold and a bad case of disappointment.

It’s not that I expected much, it was the way it was so impersonal. Maybe I was mistaken, maybe I’m not….it doesn’t really matter much now I guess.

Well anyway, I’m looking forward to Friday….I have no clue why. It’s not there are study sessions or anything, but I guess I’m glad I’m gonna have the option to be away from everyone.

Bye for now


mdl

serendipity

Just finished watching 3/4 of serendipity and I swore I wouldn’t see the last 1/2 hour because I refuse to do this to my self anymore. This is the way it usually goes:

-Watch a chickflick about fate and love (usually on lifetime)
-Walk away thinking maybe there is a strange master plan
-Spend all week all hopeful that everything’s gonna work out
-Then comes Friday and I realize that I still haven’t found the love of my life.
-Then I go back to my usual skeptical way of looking at the world, finding perfectly
logical explanations for everything.
-Until I see another chickflick on a Sunday morning and begin the cycle all over again.

So I am going to erase it from the DVR and break this vicious cycle for once and for all.


mdl

quote

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead”. --Charles Bukowski

thanksgiving weekend

This thanksgiving weekend has been a little strange, but then again I wouldn't expect any less from my life.

> I helped my mom cook (my sister and I shared chopping duty and didn't try to stab each other... strange)

> I ate turkey, ugh!

> I had a massive headache, so I went to sleep for most of the time, which kinda worked out since I didn’t have to deal with my family for too long.

> On Friday I untangled my hair

> I also visited my ex-in-laws, which was really bizarre. Seeing the kids all grown now and feeling like I ‘m still part of that family. It was also nice to see Duke interact with them....kids are so great at getting over initial awkwardness. He also saw his other parental unit, which was both emotional and unreal for him.

> Well it is now Saturday and I have to take my mom to the movies to indulge her Denzel obsession.

> Tomorrow I plan to do laundry and homework, isn’t my life exciting


mdl

ER

Sitting in the ER by myself last night made me realize that I worry way too much about others and that maybe it’s ok so say no and to ignore other people’s problems sometimes. Fortunately, what I had was not major and I guess I have that to be thankful for :-/

the ER experience is worth blogging but i'm not motivates to write anything now.

mdl

Pejig, Nìj, Niswi……

NOTE TO THE READER: If my sentence structure and vocabulary usage seems stranger than usual, please bear with me. I have been reading my linguistics book all night and I have managed become even more confused about the English language.


So I gave up on my search for a Little Red Ridinghood costume that didn’t expose 90% of my total cutaneous membrane and its accessory structures. I opted for a conservative version of a native maiden from Frankbee’s. Of course as a social studies teacher, I should know whether or not the features and prints of my costume are historically correct, but I didn’t really have time to research the Powhatan, although I did try to brush up a bit on my Algonquian. I am also straying a bit from traditional native footwear, since I’m wearing a platform wedge with a crossed vamp. (see fig. 1.1) ……he he


Fig. 1.1

I have officially proclaimed myself a sleep deprived Pocahontas this Halloween (or “Character Day, as my principal calls it). I didn’t have to buy a wig for obvious reasons, but I did actually comb my hair in order to be able to braid it. I’ve already worn the costume to last Saturday’s surreal experience my friends called a party. Most people seemed to able to tell I was supposed to be Pocahontas, which a good sign.

It is now Tuesday .... Halloween day....today after work I will be going trick-or-treating with Duke, Nao and Briana. Duke will be Jackie Robinson, a costume created by yours truly, at the request of my baseball craze offspring. I’m not sure what Nao will be, and Briana will be a vampire, I think….After that, I’ll go fail my linguistics midterm, for which I’ve been studying all night.
--------------------------------------------------

On a totally unrelated subject, I went to see Slava’s Snow Show last night at the Union Square Theater and I have to say I was impressed with this off-Broadway thing. I am not much of a theater enthusiast, so I was expecting to be lightly amused by it, but this was very different than anything I have ever seen. Duke and had to spin the wheel of adjectives to be able to describe it accurately and it landed on phenomenal (yes we are a little obsessed with sprint commercials).

I absolutely recommend anyone that has a taste for interactive theater to go and see this show before its final performances in New York in January. Some of my favorite parts were the extraordinarily realistic paper snow storm and the gigantic ball tossing in which the entire audience participated. There is also a wide range of emotions evoked and portrayed which was interesting since the entire play is basically wordless, although the music is amazing (especially the samba

QUOTE OF THE DAY

I object to being told that I am saving daylight when my reason tells me that I am doing nothing of the kind... At the back of the Daylight Saving scheme, I detect the bony, blue-fingered hand of Puritanism, eager to push people into bed earlier, and get them up earlier, to make them healthy, wealthy, and wise in spite of themselves.
---Robertson Davies, The Diary of Samuel Marchbanks, 1947

For the non-readers

There are only 4 confirmed readers of this blog and you know who you are (thanx for the loyalty and sorry for the grammatical torture)... For all the other posers that assure me that they do read it....seriously, don't lie. There's no need for that. I won't be mad at you. It's ok. Don't claim to be interesting. I only write this to distract myself from things I SHOULD be doing, like homework, lesson planning, etc....

mdl

friday the 13th.....

I'm looking forward to digitallife tomorrow. Maybe spending my Sunday being amazed by new gadget and video games will help me forget this week, well more like this Friday the 13...

this is how my Friday went....

.....kid gets sick when I’m already late for work so I have to make a light speed decision to keep him out of school... then I have a series of mini-misfortunes including my MP3 player going MIA... eventually leading to a night of half-cancelled plans, being stood up, then unstood up, eventually left watching 40 days and 40 nights by myself because i was the only person awake.....

so Nao get ready to hit the Javits center tomorrow and don’t you dare complain about being tired...he he

MDL

Baby Elias is finally born !!

My dear nephew Elias was finally born . After about 20 episodes of false labor, he was finally born at about 1 am this morning ....7lbs 11oz.....


Happy Birthday Mom.

a weekend to remember

this weekend was OK except for:

-losig my jacket at payless because nao decides to buy shoes at the last minute
-having teenagers laugh at me on the train...again...
-catching a cold because I lost my jacket at payless
-participating in a facial party (which turned out to be ok, still to girlish for me)
-being yelled at by drunken people upset about a yankee game ( as if I cared about baseball)


other than that,a few lessons learned:

-starbucks vanilla frappuccino tastes a lot better with bailey's and disaronno (I still hate coffee)
-archades are still fun (as long as it's not chuckie cheeses)
-there is such thing as too much DayQuil
-must have a talk with Duke about putting down the yankees while riding a bus in the bronx wearing a mets hat.

more random stuff

This morning I woke up with wierd sensation. For starters, I slept for nearly 12 hours, which is highly unusual for me. I also remembered my dreams, which is also highly infrequent. I had a sequence of really strange dreams that began with my nephew Elias being born [this dream doesn't need explaining, since my sis-in-law has gone into false labor a few times within the past week]. The next dream had something to do with a big yellow balloon and walking the rain, well more like drizzle (a little Santiago Nazarish, yet not quite bird shit and hopefully without his fate) …finally in the last dream I was really upset because I ran out of dishwashing detergent…[ha ha as if]. I can't quite figure out what the symbolism is here. maybe I just overslept :)



Anyway, I have also been a little more aware of my surrounding than usual. By this I mean I've been unintentionally eavesdropping. See, I'm not usually the kind of person that purposely listens to other people's conversations, but lately I have caught myself actually interested in what strangers have to say. For example the following is a fragment of a conversation between two guys sitting on the steps in front of a building in my neighborhood:

Listen man! The longer I live, the more I think about life as foil paper… you know how you hear that people are born a blank slate…nah, I think people are just born like a fresh piece of foil paper, when you first get it out of the box. As we meet people and have experiences we start to crease and then just wrinkle…...

[Note: this guy was talking loud enough for anyone to hear within a 2 block radius so it was almost impossible not to hear him]



Totally unrelated….. I went to the Wired NextFest with Duke yesterday and we were amazed with some of what we saw. Some things more useful and practical than others….some just too classic to resist, like pong from an interactive projector, he he…. I will put up pictures on the flicker when I get around to it:



Noteworthy things ===========>

> Brainball
> Virtuesphere
> International children's digital library
> GM Hy-wire
> Acceleglove
> Solar powered communication
> Dandelion and blower interactive screen
> Media mirror
> Pixelroller
> Leaf personal light
> Power-aware cord
> Archouse
> Polimars from orange and other green materials
> Ragbag
> DIGIWALL
> Lifestraw
> Bacteria Photographs
> VeinViewer
> Xerox thermal imaging
> Juke Bots
> Clay animation booth



Just too Creepy for my taste ======>

> Atari Rabbit Therater
> Asian robot chick
> Alex Hubo (weird Einstein robot)
> Paro
> Shadow Dextrous hand
> Partner Ballroom Dance Robots



There was also a ball throwing competition with robot built by high school students…among the schools competing were Stuyvesant, Brooklyn Tech and Bronx Science…why am I not surprised…anyway…..Feeling that my life seems a bit more random than usual….. goodbye for now

HELP...

Being in college for as long as I have and taking courses that require extensive research, I’m supposed be ready for this moment. My graduate thesis is due in December, and I have no clue how to start it. There is just so much out there that I’m interested in that it’s extremely difficult for me to narrow it down to ONE single thing. My proposal is due this Thursday and at this point my head is filled with possible topics…. How classroom physical environment correlates to student performance……. bilingualism and semi-literacy……….standardized tests bias….I really don’t know what to choose. I will be living with this research for the next four months, so I have to make it something that will motivate me to actually do the research.,,,, I think I’m just afraid that there is nothing original I can say. Nothing that hasn’t already been done.

fall bound

My lack of sleep has also hindered my ability to write anything that makes sense. As much as I’ve tried to verbalize this thought, all I get is a random collection of words that sounds more awkward than usual, if at all possible. I'm enraged about a situation without solution. If I was presented with this dilemma, I will give my usual "Si tu mal no tiene cura, por que te apuras? Y si tiene cura, por que the apuras?" but since I'm the one with the predicament, It's harder to apply my own wise philosophy. Strangely enough, My life is the simplest it has been in a really long time. Maybe that's it! Maybe the deficiency of excitement in my life is throwing me off. (By excitement, I mean endless worries, deadlines, appointments, thoughts of giving it all up, then realizing that’s not even an option.) I guess this scarcity has sent me into a state of wanting to suffer, obsess and talk endlessly about trivial things. I apologize. It has gotten to the point that I’ve found myself feeling glad about returning to my school year monotonous routines. That alone is pretty alarming.

untitled

So just when I was ready to write this summer off as a waste of my free time, I am confronted with a whole new way of looking at the world. I learned more about myself this past weekend than in the seven collective years. I feel so liberated. And even though I still don’t believe it fully, I think I soon will.

Morpheus is Out to Get Me

I am convinced that he truly is! …..... Lately, I have been having these sleep spells, not just your normal sleepiness but an irrepressible urge to just sleep. I have given in to some of it, but now it is just annoying. Not only because of all the things I’m potentially missing while I’m asleep, but because I am also remembering my dreams more often and to be perfectly honest, sometimes it’s better not to know what’s going on in my subconscious. I’ve been having dreams about my most trivial fears and desires :: cringe::

I wanna be awake and enjoy the few summer days I have left but I guess my arbitrary sleep lord has other plans for me. Hmmmm,,,,maybe I should start power-napping. I read this article that gave tips on how to power-nap effectively. It suggested to have a napping partner, and to nap in a safe place (hmmm..) for 20 minutes no later than 3:00pm, so it wouldn’t interfere with night sleep. As I read it I couldn’t help to think of how much I would have to trust someone to let them be my ”napping lookout” and watch me sleep. The article also mentions a company, metronaps, in the empire state building that rents out napping pods for $14 a nap. I mean, what didn’t I think of this and become rich? They also offer office installations. I mean it’s not such a bad idea considering that according to studies, those who nap briefly tend to be more productive, alert and have better memory. Which explains a lot about most of the sleep-deprived people I know.

::YAWN:: there’s Morpheus again, I’m off to bed since I’m starting to not make sense again…..

MDL

9,861 days and 17 hours

"Today is my birthday, And I get one every year, And some day...Hard to believe, But I'll be buried six feet underground"

Today I am 9,862 days old. Having a birthday always makes me see life through this bizarre lens of irrational fears and failed attempts. I usually need stop and change the filter, adjust the f-stop and change from auto-focus to manual. Finally, I crop, enlarge, dodge and burn. Then and only then I can see a more accurate version of my life. I have a lot to be grateful for. I have family, health, a great friend, a job I love, and an exceptional kid. (All I need is money and a boyfriend…. he, he) Not to say that there aren’t a whole lot of things I need to work on, but I guess I’m just counting my “blessings”.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is my very dear friend's birthday, she turns 27 today. Yes, that’s right, she’s 2 days older than I am and that makes her lame...he he... no but really this event deserves a post because I feel really bad that everyone around her but me threw some kind of party or cut a cake or whatever for her and I didn’t or wasn’t even included. The thing is, I figured that we would go out this weekend and anticipated giving her gift then, but whatever, because now my gift is gonna seem late.

Now, the reason I feel awful is because we consider each other best friends. Even though that sounds juvenile, we really are. I love her like a sister, and she’s always there for me. In fact is that I consider her part of my family. She has taken this sister job a little too far at times, [she called my dad on his birthday before any of his own children did. And of course my dad doesn’t miss a chance to rub this in my face . Thanks Nao that’s really what I need, one more person to be compared to in my family. just kidding :-)] but that’s ok I lover her anyway.

The fact is NAO I wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY and tell you it’s really good to have you and your kids in my life.


MDL

Ughh! We need to stop all this touchy-feeling stuff, seriously, it’s getting out of hand.

birthday wish list

So my birthday is this Wednesday and since everyone else is working I'll have to wait until Saturday to celebrate. OK attention everyone, this is the official MDL birthday wish list, get pen and paper and a get ready to hit the stores since there's really only one day left:

1. A pony (ha ha... not really )
2. School supplies ( no ..seriously)
3. Tuition money (I’m not joking)
4. A Toyota Matrix (silver please, hey i need wheels to get around, he he)
5. An internet connection (again, dead serious)
6. Chocolate (his shouldn’t even on the list)
7. Marble composition notebooks, I’m almost out (where else would I write my unpublished blog entries)
8. Another memory card (the one I have keeps filling up, he he)

OK now the really important stuff:

9. Good times with old friends and hopefully new ones
10. More time ( I’ll put it in my top drawer and save it for the fall when I’ll have none)
11. Health

you're NAO, I'm a chicken..... but you're a turkey he he

No flowers please I really hate them they’re dead and need to be put into water that will eventually reek (what’s the point).

Mdl

ola de calor

It’s amazing how new Yorkers can manage to freak out about something as trivial as the weather. Yes it’s hot, but that’s part of what some of us like to call SUMMER. I watched the news this morning for about 10 minutes and apparently the rest of the world the world has stopped. There is nothing else going on but the heat wave in NYC. I understand that 110 heat index is pretty uncommon to us and it’s noteworthy, but aren’t we blowing this a little out of proportion. I have had trouble walking to school and getting there awfully sweaty, but that’s expected.

I am not generally one to complain about the heat. I don't even own an ac and so far I’ve been ok. On the first two days of this infernal weather, I slept through the night (or whatever that means in my case) and managed to stay relatively cool. I grew up in a tropical country where there were several power outages a day. Duke on the other hand has lived his whole life (7 years) here in NY. Nevertheless he doesn’t complain much about the heat either. He was ok with his little fan circulating hot air around his room. Last night for some reason he wasn’t able to stand it. He walked into my room with his cheeks bright red and asked “mom, can we please go to tio’s house). Since he never asks for much I couldn’t say no.

I called my brother and his wife an told them I was taking them on their offer to let me throw a mattress on their livingroom floor. I grabbed my thin sultan Ikea mattress and two sheets and camped at Luis A.'s living room. I have to say, my brother is an absolute beast. His living room was a meet freezer. In the middle of the night I had to get up to turn the AC down a bit because Duke was trembling. He also has internet ( real internet) so I was able to upload a few pictures an to chat with some neglected friends. Needless to say, Duke slept until almost 10 this morning

I hope this passes soon, for Duke’s sake and so we can go back to hearing about other senseless news, but please no more heat wave stories.

Hot and sweaty reporting from apt. 7c this is 254 correspondent MDL.

EVERYTHING IS NOT GOING TO BE OK

“everything is not going to be OK” Duke spotted this sticker on a don't litter sign down the block from our apartment. (look closely right above the word PLEASE)
It seemed so appropriate at the moment...... I‘m always amazed by his ability to spot this kind of thing. When I asked him how he noticed it he simply said “I pay attention to details, I guess I’m not a big picture kind of guy” . These are the moments when I’m sure he’s 7 going on 28.

----Completely unrelated--------

So I had some time to think while shopping for school supplies at Staples. This fixation is merely masking something else that I am suppressing. I have no clue what it is yet but I feel like I need to do some serious introspection in order to release it. It’s not what I feared, but I can still feel the knot in my stomach.

I bought a photo magazine which seems to be interesting so far and gives me a few editing tips and I may buy a new lens.

I had some bizarre moments today that made have some junior high school flashbacks.

Two more classes and summer school is done. Can’t wait.

Two of my classmates are pregnant. One found out while in class today. It’s always fascinating to see someone’s initial reaction to something like that. It’s so confusing. I couldn’t tell whether she was excited, pissed or just shocked. She kept blurting things out that didn’t make much sense. I was “fortunate” enough to be the person sitting next to her therefore the first to find out. I know this is very serious to her but I could not help to laugh (internally) at how volatile human feelings are. Witnessing this also made me realize that I’m not as sure as I was.

I have completed my extensive study and the findings are conclusive. I won’t bore you with the data, but it all boils down to this:

“excessive amounts of Diet Pepsi DOES affect the central nervous system”

I got on a cab today and accidentally heard and arjonas song and I have to say that this man doesn’t seize to astonish me. The way he paints with lyrics makes me feel like I’m experiencing a dysfunctional relationship first hand……like there are penguins on my bed or that I am a four decade woman walking around naked and being admired by the love of my life. gotta love him for that.

Talking about beds I have a new mattress. My bed is so much taller now, which feels weird. It also looks wider, But I’ll analyze that later.

I want to publicly apologize for driving you nuts NAO, I know you’re there no matter what, but I abuse that privilege at times.

Happy Birthday Dad

Well I’ll end on that note.

-----------MDL---------------

PS: I have to say I’m a little disappointed on the lack of reaction.

A few months ago I posted a list of things/people I hate. I was reading this post and it makes me sound like a very angry person when everyone that knows me knows I’m not. He he. So here’s a list of thing things that I like/love

• I like Mac and cheese and funnel cakes ( even though I hardly eat them)
• I like to pretend I know how to dance
• I love to talk to NAO on the phone for hours
• I heart GEEKS (especially computer geeks, especially the kind of computer geek that talks harddrive-gigabyte talk of which I understand approximately 70% but it doesn’t matter because he still manages to sound so hot, ::sigh::)
• People that break the mold or prove stereotypes wrong
• I like people that don’t have a chimney complex and can have a breakdown without smoking three packs
• I love my Rebel XT
• I love kids ( especially that kid that lives in my apartment… I love you Duko)
• I love my job (there’s nothing else I can picture myself doing, other than being a professional geek groupie)
• I love the internet
• I love my family 75% of the time (100% if they live more than 80 miles away from me
• I love NAO and her kids (We’re so gay I know)

DVR

I just finished watching all the shows I have been recording in my DVR for the past year. This made me realize that if I was so desperate to watch an episode of Law and Order that I took the time to decipher the entire unnecessary button pressing, why has it been saved for a whole year. Does it really matter that they solved the case at this point? Thanx to me that missing child in Without a Trace has been missing for a whole year instead of just the usual 48 hours. I also found an assortment of half shows and movies that I started to watch and decided I would record the rest and finish it later, but it didn’t occur to me that I could’ve just pressed the little red button instead of going into the menu and performing a manual recording. So instead of recording the whole show I ended up recording half or a quarter of it. A year later I don't remember how it started so it's really pointless how it ends. I also found a lot episodes of Saved by the Bell and an 8 hr Chespirito mini-marathon.

Talking about Saved by the Bell, I just finished watching the episode when Jessie has too much on her plate and decides to take caffeine pills to stay awake and study. Yeah that one... don't pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about...you know... the one when Zack comes to her room and she's passed out from exhaustion and she starts freaking out and singing "I'm soooo excited, and I just can't hide it....." and then breaks down and cries. Go ahead take a moment, wipe your tears, I know I cried too. it was a very moving episode ….I’m still getting over it.

Anyway, relieved that my DVR is finally cleared, I am off to record more pointless stuff that I won’t be watching until Summer ’07.

MDL

Maria and Luis Carlos Sitting on a Tree.........

........or at least next to one,

So my little brother got married today. which makes me feel old ass hell. I know I shouldn’t make this about me but this is MY blog. he he

Anyway we went to city hall and between me pretending to be a photographer, my dad throwing a tantrum, the kids running all over city hall, and Rick H. on his sidekick (while they were being pronounced) this has got to be the craziest wedding I've ever been to. [yes Nao even crazier than mine].

after city hall I treated the bride and groom to Mike's Papayas and headed for Central park for a photo session.... we had to stop at a nail spa near Stuyvesant HS because Preggo had to pee... anyway we finally got to the Belvedere Castle and took some pretty good pictures. What do you think? Not bad for my first wedding......

anyway it's still weird to see the kid that has been bugging me since the day he was born and whose diapers I changed tying the knot. I guess I'm old and in denial :)

MDL

hmmm....

There's probably a really good reason for this, but it doesn't make me any less nervous to see nitrogen tanks in random corners around the city. I saw these on the corner of 43rd and Madison, and to make it look worst there was hoses connected to them that led to the nearest manhole.

Off Duty

So I got off Jury Duty! YAY! I am so excited I dont have to spend part of my vacation in a courtroom. However since this is the fourth time I have postponed whan I get called back in January I have to go or I'll have to pay a fine and or go to jail. Wouldn't that be awsome?

Just Diet Coke

SO since I havent had a vodka and diet coke in a few months I am changing my name to just diet coke. Last time I had one or two or nine drinks at the D.O. I ended up ouking all over the Concourse from my coworker's car. I guess I learned my lesson since then.

MY 27th Birthday is coming up and I still haven't decided how to celebrate it. Nao has something colorful and special in mind and it sounds good, but we havent solidified plans yet (her birthday is 2 days before mine). I can't believe I am turning 27. I know I'm being drammatic but I don't feel 27. DENIAL is great. It's what pulls me through day to day.

I've been remembering my dreams, which is creepy because I keep having weird dreams about smiling strangers, running through long corridors of unfamiliar places and worry-free days sneaking in to see free movies. Mirrors also seem to be a recurring theme. Maybe I am relaxed in the mornings and that's the reason I am remembering these dreams or I finally lost my mind and those are not dreams at all but reality. Maybe what I think to be reality is actually a dream. a pretty boring dream.

I know I sound incresingly insane with each post, but it's just boredom talking (well typing ) here. Not that I am so eager to go back to work, but it's kinda wierd to wake up everyday without having to freak out about writing lessonplans and preparing for today's materials. No freaking out about oversleeping and no deadines on paperwork.

I am enjoying it while it lasts.

bye for now MDL

I'm ok ... I guess

a lot has happened since my last post unfortunately my memory is horrible:

I almost got a ticket for tresspassing in a construction site in brooklyn (i knew i was tresspassing but didnt care cause the view was amazing and needed to take pictures) the cops were cool thugh and gave us a second chance.
i've taken 2300 pictures
my students graduated :(
I'm no longer looking for Mr. right or a blue prince or whatever the fuck girls dream about
I'm not as mad at him anymore, I realized what I always knew in my gut.
I'm strangely calm, i have no clue why.
I am still in shock about the end of the school year.
I have been obssessed with sudoku lately ( I know I'm late and that fad is actually over, but that's me I'm usually late)
I have lost some weight which i feel good about but somehow not as good as I thought i would feel.
I hate grad school with all my guts and I can't wait for next May
I have been dealing with really deep stuff lately and have learned a lot about myself. It's been really confusing but I feel releived.
I love having a friend that doesnt judge me no matter how much duct tape and garbage bags I use....THANK YOU
I love being a mom and driving myself nuts with lessons and practice and allowance and discipline all that good stuff.
I have a tentative new position within my job in the fall that sounds promising
I havent taken a single picture in over a week.
My REBEL rocks
A lot of things in my life are falling into place, or almost into place, I feel stable, like I havent felt in a long time...it's a bit wierd but I'm getting used to it.

I guess that's it for now... sorry it's not that exciting.

MDL

I've been lost, still not found

I have not been witing lately. partly because I have a new obssession. he he. I've also been dealing with some things I have been neglecting or simply didnt know how to deal with. I have also been trying to catch up on school work. I have also been trying to keep busy by going out and having fun. it's necessary to keep myself sane. I finally did what I had to do and it's a relieve to know that it's not all my fault and that It' wasn't because I havent tried hard enough. I am still having trouble making the leap from knowledge to application, but some progress has been made.

I also finally bought my Rebel XT and I love it. It's a beauty and the pictures are amazing. Today I went to barnes and noble and picked up a Magic Lantern Guide to learn the other things I can do with it. unfortunately I dont have a lot of time to take pictures but I've been sneaking out here and there. I cant wait for the summer.

well that's the update for now.

cleaning day

so i decided to make today cleaning day. I have been neglecting my house keeping duties in the past few days and the job became a little more than i could handle on my own, so i hired a cleaning lady. I found Debbie on craigslist and i chose her for the price. she charged me $20/hr with a 2 hour minimum which i thought was pretty resonable. she was awsome...she was like motor powered. she finished really fast, plus she cleaned both bathrooms and the kitchen, which are my least favorite things to do. I was really happy with her services. anyway, it motivated me to sort out other stuff that I've been just piling up and will give away lots of things i dont need. This makes me feel good. this post is really pointless but if you got this far thank you for sharing my joy.

mdl

bummed about the movie

ok, I went to the movies for the first time in months...we saw the pink panther (we had the kids with us). by we I mean Nao and I. so we got there early and bought the tickets. Went to the book store next door and the kids looked for books they wanted to buy. KC started acting all cocky saying that he was sure the brainquest for 7 to 8 yr olds was easy for him. I challenged him and he got a few questions wrong and became both depressed and obsessed with learning them, so he wanted to buy it. I reminded him that he had one more advanced at home that he hadn’t finished yet. KC then begins to browse for books and sees a black version of Goldie Locks and says in a really loud voice “mommy look goldie locks is black!” I lean closer to him and remind him we’re in harlem so he lowers his voice and says sorry. So after getting upset that the only book he wanted was in Spanish and it was too advanced for him, he ended up buying another chapter book that he will probably lose interest in in a couple of days. Anyway after the book shopping we go back to the movie theater to buy snacks that we really shouldn’t be eating and get good seats . we sit and start enjoying the movie until I realize that there’s a homeless guy sitting next to me and he has about 4 garbage bags and a truckload of Chinese food and various drinks. He’s also talking to an invisible friend sitting on his left. I make nao aware of it but we decide that he doesn’t look harmful so we don’t move. We continued watching the movie that wasn’t half bad. (especially the Hamburger part). After all this we go home to Nao’s and she forces me to watch a soap opera about a girl that supposedly died but really didn’t and another one is pregnant but it’s pretending to be holy and a guy had a sex op and is about to marry another guy. Anyway this was torture….then she tried to start watching the premios bla..blah…blah… and I threatened her with going home and she finally changed the channel. In all this her BF gets home and prepares some vodka concoction and give me some so I’m really happy. Then nao is checkin unheard voicemails from august and I’m thinking what’s the point? What can possibly be that important that waited 6 months and no one died or anything. But I can’t talk bc I just erased a couple of birthday messages last week (my b’day is in august)……but bum and all at the theater, today was pretty cool.

mdl

"Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead!"

Ding Dong! The Witch is dead! Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch! Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead.She's gone where the goblins go,Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.Ding Dong the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!

YAY..... the witch is dead.....mimi and bunny I had a lot of fun at the WIZ Party......I'm really glad the witch is dead.

love u guys.....

MDL

PS: make sure u process my "olden" freakin "gayvon"

I'm sorry NAO

this is a public apology for not having pictures of you on my flickr. I love u (no not in that way). I really have no excuse aside from the selfish one i told you about. just for that i will take pictures of you and your kids for free....oh wait i was already gonna do that. anyway it's not because i dont love you and yes i'm still mad about not being in your livingroom. he he.

LOVE U GIRLY! :-)

still alive

ok i didn't actually die...I survived the crazy fevers and hacking cough....I'm not sure exactly what I had since it seems to me I recovered too soon for it to be the flu...anyway, I dont care now. I thought my weekend was gonna suck but it actually turned out to be pretty ok. on Saturday I wentr to my cousin's babyshower and saw the whole fam there (that's always fun). the big news broke out and everyone was shocked for like 2 mins but got over it pretty soon. maybe it had something to do with the fact that they were all drinking. to be completely honest, I'm happy...i cant wait to see it and how it's gonna look. I also feel a little scared for him since he's such a baby himself.

sunday I went out somewhere else and had a lot of fun, at least in my definition of fun....It was wierd though cause I usually despise that type of crowd but it must be the rapid cycling at work again that didnt let me care. after that there was other kind of fun that was comfortable and creepy at the same time. I had the itch to just walk but held it and stuck around. the cold was liberating and the sun was way too fuckin bright. maybe it's just i'm never outside at that time so i'm not used to that type of brightness. I dont know there was something bizarre about the day. I was confused about it being monday or tuesday and my MJ called to confuse the shit out of me leaving a message about our appointment tomorrow wed the 22nd. so I run to the living room and ask MG "is it tuesday?" and she's like "no it's monday" and i felt relieved. i thought i had missed a day again, but i didnt so all is well.

anyway that was my weekend for you.

I'm off this week, so i will be catching up on a lot of HW.

sick

i'm sick...effin flu finally got me....bored as hell. hate spending a whole day at home not being able to do shit. as restless as i usually am, this is torture for me....going back to bed now...ugh...just overdosed on theraflu, dayquil and a suspisious lookin pill my dad gave me.... if i dont post in two days call the morgue.

goodbye for now

mdl

100th DAY

YAY!
Today was the 100th day of school. I had a kickass party with my students. ok, we just stringed cherios to make necklaces and listned to kidsbop, but my kids had fun.

V-day

I'm officially depressed. I can anticipate this day is gonna make me sick. besides the fact that I have to go to work and school and I have to see a million people being happy and in love and all that, I also have to deal with something i've been puttin off. I am a little anxious to find out but at the same time I'm not sure how i would feel either way. I think it's funny how I never cared about v-day, and never really affected me either way. this year i've managed to feel like shit and have a million problems. well that's my life anyway. I was recently asked when was the last time i really enjoyed anything. I dont think i can remember ever really enjoying anything fully. I always have reality right there slapping me in the face. I can never say "shit, this is pretty cool" because as soon as i even think that some really fucked up part of my existence pops up saying"wtf do u think ur doing, u cant be happy?"

anyway i pledge to be as miserable as i can today and have the least human contact possible. I have to pretend to be cheery infront of my students, but at 3:00pm I will jet out and not speak to a single soul in order not to lash out unnecessarily.

bye for now

25 questions

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
holy shit! is that a pimple?

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$18.73 and a metrocard

3. What's a word that rhymes with TEST?
Stressed, best, fest, hest, jest, lest, nest, pest, quest, rest, vest, west, zest, blest, breast, chest, crest, dressed, pressed, possessed,

4. planet?
Pluto (or is it a planet?)

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list?
myself (I constantly lose my cellphone and call from my homephone to find it.

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
smooth criminal (but that phone was stolen, now i just have the regular cingular crap)

7. What shirt are you wearing?
a black turtleneck

8. What do you label yourself?
ENFP

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're recently wearing?
predictions (yes they’re from payless)

10. Bright or Dark Room?
as dark as possible unless I’m reading

11. What were you doing at midnight last night?
why?...... What did you hear? And who told you?

12. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"what a teacher ....getting wasted on a wednesday night...tsk, tsk shame on you!"

13. Where is your nearest 7-11?
2.05 miles from here

14. What's a saying that you say a lot?
Great job! That was awesome boys and girls.

15.Who told you they loved you last?
My son

16. Last furry thing you touched?
my plush slippers

17. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days?
does vodka and diet coke count?

18. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
none…but I just developed 37….

19. Favorite age you have been so far?

This age. 26 but in 6 months my favorite age will be 27

20. your worst enemy?
myself

21. What is your current desktop picture?
Adriana Lima in lingerie (it’s my brother’s computer)

22. What was the last thing you said to someone?
”go brush your teeth and go to bed” to my kid

23. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose?
MONEY

24. Do you like someone?
yes but it’s a secret ….he he

25. The last song you listened to?
gravity – John Mayer

I hate....

Jennifer Lopez – you’re not really from the block stop fucking pretending.
Alanis and Shakira – for jumping in the blond bandwagon
Reese Whitherspoon – sorry I don’t have a reason for this one.
Carb eaters – I’m not carb envious just but I hate people that brag about the carbs they eat and how they don’t gain an inch
Most skinny poeple especially those who complain about being too skinny or that say they need to lose 5 pounds by next thursday
50 cent- getting shot or die trying or whatever
HelloKitty (I’m I the only one that think this is creepy)
Barbie ( fucking bitch)
Mr. Softee
People that speak in the secret code of American pop culture.
People that make fun of my accent
Mariah Carey – again, Do I really need a reason?
Some of my friends (not u NAO)
DR. Phil – whatever
Yankees and their fans – Not everyone that lives in the Bronx loves the fucking Yankees. Especially if you’ve lived around the stadium. And no it’s not ok to build another stadium across the street from the current one and take away one of the only decent things that neighborhood has : MULLALLY PARK
My fucking neighbor who sabotages my Christmas decorations.
My downstairs neighbor – do you really think I give a shit that your wife gets home from work in the middle of the night. I’m not gonna tip-toe all in the morning just because she’s sleeping. ( and by the way I can hear your fucking hammering every Saturday morning… what the fuck are building down there? I hope it’s a sound proof room to block out the noise from my apartment)
Racist Teachers – stop trying to jumpstart your career in the poor neighborhoods. The only reason you’re working in these schools is because Westchester County won’t hire you …I wonder why…maybe because you suck.
Dogs and their owners ( no I don’t think it’s cute when your dog wants to sniff me, yes I am afraid or your fucking little piece of shit dog, SO WHAT! I’m sure you’re afraid of things I’m not and you don’t see me trying to convince you to get one, I don’t care if your dog is your best friend or your kid or your boyfriend, I don’t wanna pet him, you don’t see me telling you to pet my kid) – yes I have issues with this last one.
People that wanna start random conversations on the train – take a closer look, do I really look like someone you wanna be friends with?.
The guy at the computer lab at my school. With the fucking fees this school charges I should be able to print way more than 50 pages.
People that try to give me parenting advice. Seriously, let me raise my own kid…. I will feel much better if I screw him up myself than with the advice your give me.
Old friends whom I no longer have anything in common with probably because we never did in the first place.
People that hate me because I went to school and they didn’t. – hey it’s not my fault you had a fucking chance.
People that hurt kids.
Badly designed magazines.
People who give up.
Temporarily broke people that pretend to that they know what it is to be poor.
People that have poverty epiphanies in their 20's - shit how can you not notice you're poor.
People that are coordinated enough to dance or simply walk with out tripping.
Gisela ( my fifth grade teacher) Fuck you wherever you are.
Jehova’s witnesses and hardcore religious people all together. – if god wanted me to come to him he could just make me. Anyway I’m not sure making donation to your church gets me any closer to god than simply saving that money and buying myself something really cool that would make me happy and in turn I would be in a good mood and spread joy everywhere instead of the normal raving and bitching. If I was spreading materialism-induced joy that would be contagious and the whole world would be happy. I think god would love that if he actually existed.
Reggaeton – maybe I’m old but I don’t fucking get it.
People that remember my name after meeting me only once –
People that are way too friendly – I’m really just suspicious of these last two.

I AM....

I had to do this reflective activity for one of my graduate courses that asked to " Describe who you really are." I gave it a lot of thought (well maybe like 2 minutes) and wrote the following:

"EFNP: I am an extrovert. I learn by talking to others. I also make decisions this way. I am a teacher, a mother, a sister, friend, a daughter, an eternal student, a dreamer, a doer, a procrastinator, distracted by the world. I have overcome challenges. I have faced hard times, fallen apart, gotten back together, imsomniac, often misunderstood. Loving, Caring, Strict, forgiving. I am hispanic or latina or whatever you wanna call me (this last I'm proud of but doesn't define me). I am critical of myself, but undersatnding of everyone else. I am MMDM. I am living my dream [teaching kids like me].

by the way this assignment was due at the end of december and I still havent handed it in.

MDL

Back to school

Being a teacher I never really wanna admit that it really sucks being a student. I am in gradschool and having to go somewhere else after i finish my workday drives me nuts. Today was the first day of classes and I found out that my professor is obsessed with keeping us organized, which is gonna be a huge challenge for me since I'm currently battling with a severe case of self-diagnosed Adult ADD, among other things ( does anyone know where can I get my hands on some strattera?) . She asked us to get a binder to keep all the crap that she gives us organized and to keep up with all the work. I have already started to freak out since we have to read seven chapters of one book, two of another, two articles and write reflections about them all. I'm a slow reader, easily distracted (I mean very easily distracted) reader as well as a procrastinator. Not exactly a good combination for a person juggling a teaching career, the joy of motherhood, grad school and all the crap my family wants to dump on me. On the other hand I have managed to get a Bachelor Degree so far and my seven year old doesn’t wanna run away yet. Anyway, I am trying the best I can to keep semi-organized this semester and keeping in mind that deadlines are meant to be met (ON TIME). I am also attempting to keep in better touch with my friends and helping in however way I can. I will probably be writing a lot in my DOING EVERYTHING- ELSE- BUT- MY -HOMEWORK- moments.

Until then BYE.

PS: Thanx for the comments Alex and steph. Steph I’m glad u liked the notebooks write in them and keep in touch.

not so much anymore

I had a crappy day. not exeptionally crappy, just regular crappy. but it's always good to find out that i'm not the only one feeling like that. I guess I should always know that but it feels good to just know exactly how much the other person is suffering. In sick way, knowing he's not all well-adjusted and collected about things, makes me feel better about my crappiness. I think that makes this a better week than the last. It's not that I dont feel bad about his pain, cause I do. It's just that I hate feeling like the only person screwed up by this.

In a few months it will all be ok and we'll be able to talk again.

Just a piece of the ugliest, nevertheless real, human nature in me.

Poetry 101

I'm feeling rather inspired today. Or maybe it's just sarcastic, I dont know.... I heard this poem a long time ago and sorry it's in spanish and I really dont feel like translating it:

En este mundo de mierda, nadie de cagar se salva.
Caga el buey, caga la vaca, caga el cura, caga el papa.
Y tu poeta cagón, que de cagarte te inspiras,
Inspírate en un mojón, y olvídate de la vida.

wow that's good poetry!

Changes

It's hard to face changes in life, but I guess not impossible. I have been re-eveluating my life, as corny as that sounds. So far my life has consisted pleasing others. If I haven't helped someone or in one way or another influenced someone, then I start feeling like life is not worth living. I have denied myself happiness for way too long. I have closed myself to any possibilities of personal happiness because for sometime i thought of it as unecessary.

Today I did something for me. Knowing myself the consequences. I felt liberated, free, careless, fearless, and shameless, all the self-consciousness was gone. I knew it wasn’t real but I still did it because reality is overrated anyway. The minute I zipped up that second boot I knew it was over. The enchantment had vanished. The mice were mice again. Reality kicked in and reminded me of responsibilities. Reminded me that 9:00 was approaching and that time had run out. I fixed my skirt and my scarf. And plunged right into the sea of non-fantasy. A little nostalgic and a little upset I took the express to the local that brought me back to this. To my room where I sit pouring my heart out into a keyboard because somehow I feel all this is relevant and interesting. However, I know better. No one really cares about what I did or didn’t. Whether I finally accepted that, the meaning of life is nothing but to be alive. No one really cares that the minute I enjoy something in my life I feel like it's wrong and ban it .
It's a feeling I’ve carried for years and that is probably rooted in my catholic ever-guilty conscience.

The point of this post is long gone. I have no idea what it was supposed to be about. So just take as it is.