I AM....

I had to do this reflective activity for one of my graduate courses that asked to " Describe who you really are." I gave it a lot of thought (well maybe like 2 minutes) and wrote the following:

"EFNP: I am an extrovert. I learn by talking to others. I also make decisions this way. I am a teacher, a mother, a sister, friend, a daughter, an eternal student, a dreamer, a doer, a procrastinator, distracted by the world. I have overcome challenges. I have faced hard times, fallen apart, gotten back together, imsomniac, often misunderstood. Loving, Caring, Strict, forgiving. I am hispanic or latina or whatever you wanna call me (this last I'm proud of but doesn't define me). I am critical of myself, but undersatnding of everyone else. I am MMDM. I am living my dream [teaching kids like me].

by the way this assignment was due at the end of december and I still havent handed it in.

MDL

Back to school

Being a teacher I never really wanna admit that it really sucks being a student. I am in gradschool and having to go somewhere else after i finish my workday drives me nuts. Today was the first day of classes and I found out that my professor is obsessed with keeping us organized, which is gonna be a huge challenge for me since I'm currently battling with a severe case of self-diagnosed Adult ADD, among other things ( does anyone know where can I get my hands on some strattera?) . She asked us to get a binder to keep all the crap that she gives us organized and to keep up with all the work. I have already started to freak out since we have to read seven chapters of one book, two of another, two articles and write reflections about them all. I'm a slow reader, easily distracted (I mean very easily distracted) reader as well as a procrastinator. Not exactly a good combination for a person juggling a teaching career, the joy of motherhood, grad school and all the crap my family wants to dump on me. On the other hand I have managed to get a Bachelor Degree so far and my seven year old doesn’t wanna run away yet. Anyway, I am trying the best I can to keep semi-organized this semester and keeping in mind that deadlines are meant to be met (ON TIME). I am also attempting to keep in better touch with my friends and helping in however way I can. I will probably be writing a lot in my DOING EVERYTHING- ELSE- BUT- MY -HOMEWORK- moments.

Until then BYE.

PS: Thanx for the comments Alex and steph. Steph I’m glad u liked the notebooks write in them and keep in touch.

not so much anymore

I had a crappy day. not exeptionally crappy, just regular crappy. but it's always good to find out that i'm not the only one feeling like that. I guess I should always know that but it feels good to just know exactly how much the other person is suffering. In sick way, knowing he's not all well-adjusted and collected about things, makes me feel better about my crappiness. I think that makes this a better week than the last. It's not that I dont feel bad about his pain, cause I do. It's just that I hate feeling like the only person screwed up by this.

In a few months it will all be ok and we'll be able to talk again.

Just a piece of the ugliest, nevertheless real, human nature in me.

Poetry 101

I'm feeling rather inspired today. Or maybe it's just sarcastic, I dont know.... I heard this poem a long time ago and sorry it's in spanish and I really dont feel like translating it:

En este mundo de mierda, nadie de cagar se salva.
Caga el buey, caga la vaca, caga el cura, caga el papa.
Y tu poeta cagón, que de cagarte te inspiras,
Inspírate en un mojón, y olvídate de la vida.

wow that's good poetry!

Changes

It's hard to face changes in life, but I guess not impossible. I have been re-eveluating my life, as corny as that sounds. So far my life has consisted pleasing others. If I haven't helped someone or in one way or another influenced someone, then I start feeling like life is not worth living. I have denied myself happiness for way too long. I have closed myself to any possibilities of personal happiness because for sometime i thought of it as unecessary.

Today I did something for me. Knowing myself the consequences. I felt liberated, free, careless, fearless, and shameless, all the self-consciousness was gone. I knew it wasn’t real but I still did it because reality is overrated anyway. The minute I zipped up that second boot I knew it was over. The enchantment had vanished. The mice were mice again. Reality kicked in and reminded me of responsibilities. Reminded me that 9:00 was approaching and that time had run out. I fixed my skirt and my scarf. And plunged right into the sea of non-fantasy. A little nostalgic and a little upset I took the express to the local that brought me back to this. To my room where I sit pouring my heart out into a keyboard because somehow I feel all this is relevant and interesting. However, I know better. No one really cares about what I did or didn’t. Whether I finally accepted that, the meaning of life is nothing but to be alive. No one really cares that the minute I enjoy something in my life I feel like it's wrong and ban it .
It's a feeling I’ve carried for years and that is probably rooted in my catholic ever-guilty conscience.

The point of this post is long gone. I have no idea what it was supposed to be about. So just take as it is.