100th post

So blogger says this is my my 100th post, I haven't counted them twice yet to verify but I'll believe it. I think in some kind of weird way it makes sense and it must be the cosmos aligning to commemorate the anniversary of the largest manifestation of my life-long battle with procrastination. So here it goes:

I have discovered netflix and I am catching up with tons of stuff I haven't watched. Sketches of Frank Gehry was the first family film, since Duke and I missed it in the theaters. I just finished watching it and I have to confess I was able to relate a lot more than I actually expected. The documentary starts out by Frank talking about how starting is never easy. He describes a process that involves "avoidance, delay and denial"... and for a second there I felt attacked, as if Gehry would choose me as the topic of his documentary. Then he says "I'm always scared that I'm not gonna know what to do...It's a terrifying moment." And there it is: add a little self-sabotage to this statement and you have an explanation to why I haven't completed my thesis yet. Yes, my thesis. That thing that was due last December and has slept with me, gone on dates with me, traveled with me and has been staring at me from my bedroom wall for the past 9 months. I can't understand why I can't just end this torture. In the end "it's just another paper", as Jeanne says. But my ego won't let me just through something together and hand it in like the rest of my cohort did. I have to add just a little more, find better sources, revise it once more, take it apart, change it all together, maybe change the topic... no wait a minute... I love that topic...

And there's always that voice that keeps saying "just finish it already!!...it's not that big a deal" But it is, at least to me. I wanna be able to hand in something extraordinary, especially after having a whole year to complete it. Or maybe at this point, just completing it would be extraordinary..... I don't know.....

But watching Frank Gehry got me thinking about the way I've lived life in the past decade. Someone recently asked if I felt satisfied with my career choice. I was surprised that I answered with such certainty.... no hesitation at all "Yes, absolutely".... I guess I was surprised because I never actually heard myself say it aloud and fully mean it. I admire Gehry's guts for challenging the way people look at architecture. I can't say I feel compelled to do the same for for my profession, because then I would end up another cliche; or worse, a lifetime movie; or even worse, a Ron Clark. Don't get me wrong, I am not as naive as I used to be in fall 2004, when I thought I could change the world 25 kids at a time. I now know I can... I just need a focused plan to do actually it.

So going back to this being my 100th post and marking some kind of milestone... I think I'm just gonna look at it as the post after #99... that way there's no pressure to finish it and I can actually post it tonight.

Sept 8th

Last night I met up with some friends from a past life, just to realize that I like some people better in the memories I have of them. After a few drinks in a bar so up north that Broadway was almost south again, we headed downtown to Astor to see our beloved Alamo. But in a sudden change of plans we decided to walk to Union Square to reminisce about idealistic philosophies, useless protests and about joining movements for the wrong reasons. There were some expressed feelings of regret, but none from me: I’d make each and every mistake all over again.

We watched the baton ballet girls all dressed in black and dancing with fire; and the random skaters grinding and flipping their skateboards with enviable grace. I was glad to see that despite all the glass and big names, Union Square is still a free non-judgmental place to hang. There was a group of sexually disoriented teenagers, a vigorous smoker, a few homeless people, a girl coming from a Spanish Rock concert where she lost her cellphone and hundreds of other people that only stayed for a few minutes. At about 3am a group of South American guys in their thirties sat near us with a guitar full of old song fragments. I sang from my subconscious sad songs about other people’s past sufferings and I felt relieved. We made friends with the bohemian group and found out they were really from New Jersey and were waiting to get rid of the alcohol in the designated driver’s system. When it was nearly 5am I called it a night and came home to sleep. It was a nice night, the only thing that was missing was my rebel to document it all. If it wasn’t for the gum on my pants I’d think it was a dream.

FALLing into place

Fall is upon us, YAY!!!!

I know I haven’t posted anything in a long time, but to be completely honest I don’t even want to think about the last couple of days of my trip. As most of you already know I’m still mourning about my Rebel. The trip as a whole was great. I learned a lot of the education system in the Dominican Republic, people and poverty. Much of it I knew already, but it was different actually witnessing it first hand. Being able to rest away from my life and the sources of stress that come with it was also wonderful. I highly recommend taking 2 months off in a foreign country; then again not everyone is a teacher :-).

But that was summer and now is back to reality. Going back to work relaxed and refreshed is nice, but I’ll be stressed again in no time. Thank goodness for winter and spring breaks and the occasional long weekend :-P

I will upload more pictures soon, of course minus the 500 that were still in my memory card.

mdl