pipe dreams

It just dawned on me that life really sucks and there's nothing I can do about it.

I’m also convinced that I should give up all my pipe dreams and be conventional, more of a conformist, predictable, unadventurous….and maybe then, and only then I will be happy.

I should abandon my abstract art fantasies and concentrate on my thesis and live up to my potential for once.

Once again, I decided to look for what wasnt really there. I crossed the line and broke golden rules and of course , once again fell hard from the cloud right on my ass. I did this one to myself though, so I'm more upset at "me" than anyone/thing else. At the same time, I'm really glad I didn’t finish seeing that fucking movie, because at least wasn’t on a higher cloud. (Although I am upset I bought the perfume)… well anyway, my week has sucked all around. After the self-esteem blow in Ms. C’s classroom, I had to know that it was all down hill from there.

Just to throw me off, and think that things might be looking up, I did well in both my linguistics and thesis my presentations. I was content enough to believe that maybe this week was gonna end up ok. But, NO….. I have to be slapped in the face with a cold and a bad case of disappointment.

It’s not that I expected much, it was the way it was so impersonal. Maybe I was mistaken, maybe I’m not….it doesn’t really matter much now I guess.

Well anyway, I’m looking forward to Friday….I have no clue why. It’s not there are study sessions or anything, but I guess I’m glad I’m gonna have the option to be away from everyone.

Bye for now


mdl

serendipity

Just finished watching 3/4 of serendipity and I swore I wouldn’t see the last 1/2 hour because I refuse to do this to my self anymore. This is the way it usually goes:

-Watch a chickflick about fate and love (usually on lifetime)
-Walk away thinking maybe there is a strange master plan
-Spend all week all hopeful that everything’s gonna work out
-Then comes Friday and I realize that I still haven’t found the love of my life.
-Then I go back to my usual skeptical way of looking at the world, finding perfectly
logical explanations for everything.
-Until I see another chickflick on a Sunday morning and begin the cycle all over again.

So I am going to erase it from the DVR and break this vicious cycle for once and for all.


mdl

quote

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead”. --Charles Bukowski

thanksgiving weekend

This thanksgiving weekend has been a little strange, but then again I wouldn't expect any less from my life.

> I helped my mom cook (my sister and I shared chopping duty and didn't try to stab each other... strange)

> I ate turkey, ugh!

> I had a massive headache, so I went to sleep for most of the time, which kinda worked out since I didn’t have to deal with my family for too long.

> On Friday I untangled my hair

> I also visited my ex-in-laws, which was really bizarre. Seeing the kids all grown now and feeling like I ‘m still part of that family. It was also nice to see Duke interact with them....kids are so great at getting over initial awkwardness. He also saw his other parental unit, which was both emotional and unreal for him.

> Well it is now Saturday and I have to take my mom to the movies to indulge her Denzel obsession.

> Tomorrow I plan to do laundry and homework, isn’t my life exciting


mdl

ER

Sitting in the ER by myself last night made me realize that I worry way too much about others and that maybe it’s ok so say no and to ignore other people’s problems sometimes. Fortunately, what I had was not major and I guess I have that to be thankful for :-/

the ER experience is worth blogging but i'm not motivates to write anything now.

mdl