Changes

It's hard to face changes in life, but I guess not impossible. I have been re-eveluating my life, as corny as that sounds. So far my life has consisted pleasing others. If I haven't helped someone or in one way or another influenced someone, then I start feeling like life is not worth living. I have denied myself happiness for way too long. I have closed myself to any possibilities of personal happiness because for sometime i thought of it as unecessary.

Today I did something for me. Knowing myself the consequences. I felt liberated, free, careless, fearless, and shameless, all the self-consciousness was gone. I knew it wasn’t real but I still did it because reality is overrated anyway. The minute I zipped up that second boot I knew it was over. The enchantment had vanished. The mice were mice again. Reality kicked in and reminded me of responsibilities. Reminded me that 9:00 was approaching and that time had run out. I fixed my skirt and my scarf. And plunged right into the sea of non-fantasy. A little nostalgic and a little upset I took the express to the local that brought me back to this. To my room where I sit pouring my heart out into a keyboard because somehow I feel all this is relevant and interesting. However, I know better. No one really cares about what I did or didn’t. Whether I finally accepted that, the meaning of life is nothing but to be alive. No one really cares that the minute I enjoy something in my life I feel like it's wrong and ban it .
It's a feeling I’ve carried for years and that is probably rooted in my catholic ever-guilty conscience.

The point of this post is long gone. I have no idea what it was supposed to be about. So just take as it is.